angriestman | (no subject)

Entry tags:

rachel

(no subject)

He's tuned to it - the baby wakes in the night and so does he. He's gotten into the habit of waking up every time Rachel needs to do a feed. He gets up and he gets her anything he needs and then he takes over things like winding and putting Jess back down so that Rachel can go back to sleep.

Only, tonight, he can't Jess to settle.
It hasn't been that long but it actually feels like he' been wailing for hours.

"Hey, man," says Raylan, softly. "C'mon, now..."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Rachel appreciates the help. She really does. But it's been hours and she's exhausted and she can't listen to another second of her kid screaming like that.

She pads out, barefoot and bleary eyed but already reaching for Jess. "Raylan, what the fuck is going on?" she hisses.

He hands Jess over to her without question, pausing to scrub his hand over his face.

"I don't know," he says. "He's just...I can't get him to settle. He'll quiet down for a second and then he just fires back up again."

"What the hell kid?" she murmurs, lips sliding against his hot forehead

"How long has he been this hot? I can't tell if it's a fever or he's just pissed."

"Not long," says Raylan, shaking his head, not crowding the two of them, but staying close. "But he's pretty damn mad."

"Fuck this place," she mutters, "We can't even give him baby medicine.

She bounces him gently, walking in a wide circle. "We could try and cool him off?"

"You want to take him out him out on the porch?" asks Raylan, frowning. "I'll get a wash-cloth and see if we can get him a little bit cooler?"

He hates feeling this helpless.

"Yeah, okay," she huffs, moving towards the porch. "Maybe he'll scream so loud Danny's spidey senses will tingle and he'll come tell us what to do."

She does feel, briefly, bad for waking everyone up but it doesn't last very long. She just wants to fucking slap someone. Find someone responsible for her kid not having any fucking baby tylenol and punish them. She's trying really hard not to make that person, Raylan. It's not his fault. He's just here.

It occurs to him then how little they both know; neither of them have done this before and they don't know what they're looking at. It's probably nothing but that doesn't make it any less terrifying.

A moment after she steps outside, he steps out side too, damp wash cloth in hand. He ghosts his free hand over the crown of Jess' head, dabbing at his forehead with the other.

Jess's ear piercing screams pretty quickly settle down to pitiful whimpers and hitching sobs. Rachel squeezes her eyes tight against the need to just fucking break down. Her baby is in pain and there's not a goddamn thing she can do about it.

She tilts him towards Raylan, his little face still red and tear streaked.

"I don't know what we do if he really got sick," she chokes out. "This place isn't safe and I don't know how make that better."

"We just have to get him to the clinic and trust people who know what they're doing," he says, gently, still concentrating on Jess. He just sounds so damn miserable.

"You think we ought to take him?"

Maybe we wait a few more hours and take him if he won't eat?" she says unsurely. She doesn't havea clue. "Let me see if he'll eat. Seems bad if he gets dehydrated.

She settles down on their oversized porch recliner.

"Yeah, okay," he says, leaning against the rail and staying close as she settles in the chair. "It might just be wind, right? He didn't puke or anything when I winded him so maybe he's uncomfortable and he can't figure out why?"

"I don't know, I think he's got a fever," she says, pulling down her top just enough for Jess to latch on. He squirms and fusses but ultimately starts eating. "I think it's a virus or, fuck I don't know. An ear infection? I think I read about those in one of those books Danny gave us."

She rests her head against the high back of the chair and closes her eyes with a sigh. "Are we bad at this or does no one know what they're doing?"

"Nobody knows what they're doing first time out," he says, gently, hand resting against the top of her head for a moment as he watches Jess eat. "Everybody figures it out as they go. We're not bad at this, Rachel - we're doing the best we can. He'll be fine and we'll figure it out."

"I know I'm not supposed to think this," she starts, voice hushed and eyes still closed. "But sometimes I feel like he deserves more in a mother. I know you don't think that about be but sometimes I do."

"Stop," says Raylan, his hand still against her hair. "You're fantastic at this. I never expected this out of you."

He shifts, perching on the arm of the chair, his arm around her. "We can do this."

She sniffs a little and leans her head against his shoulder, smoothing back Jess's fluffy, red hair. "I love you. And it's scary how much I love him. It feels like I carved my heart out and gave it to this tiny person. Like it's just wandering around unprotected."

"It's not unprotected," he says, gently, dropping another kiss into her hair. "Because I'm right here, and nothing I can help is ever going to happen to you while I'm here."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only